“Wherever a new disagreement emerges, so does new hope for enlightenment, on both sides of the fence.
The Universe”©Mike Dooley, http://tut.com
Like anything else in life that is sure to happen, besides taxes and death, is disagreements. It is somewhat preferable to have disagreements than not. Not agreeing on something is the best way to express your feelings and emotions. Unless you are a carbon copy of yourself, or as many would call that cloning, it can be difficult to have someone who agrees with you 24/7. In some cases, when you have a business partner that sees eye to eye with you with everything that has to do with the company’s growth, you are in luck. However, many of us sees things differently, and all this is caused somewhat by our upbringing or our previous business and life experience. It is imminent that disagreements will occur at the workplace or at home. As you are dealing with your significant other on a daily basis, you might agree on a lot of things because you both see eye to eye on a lot of how the mundane daily life has to run, however, it will come at a time when disagreements will occur. Depending on how you deal with them, you will need to handle it in a very calm and polite way. Name calling has no place during that time.
Firstly, you need to determine the origin of the disagreement: What caused it? Why is it here? What are the point of view on the matter being discussed between both of you?
Secondly, you need to figure out the best plausible solution that both of you can agree. Do not let the other convince you otherwise. Share your feelings, do not be intimidated. Showing fear will give place for the other to have its way all the time. Remember to always stay in control of the situation. If they raise their voice to get heard, you do not need to do the same. Tell them to calm down, and if needed, to step back and talk about it when he or she have calmed down. It is important for you to realize that raising voices is the result of you raising your voice as well, so the only defensive response is to get heard as well, hence, raising their voice. So by keeping your voice at low decibels, you do not allow the other person to elevate their tone, and if they do, your response can go this way: ” I didn’t hear myself scream, why are you yelling? or I don’t see why you are so defensive or angry about it, we are just talking as mature adults, or i understand this can be a sensitive subject for you as it is for me, but you don’t see me get all pissed off, so i would appreciate you doing the same”. As you can see, you take control of the situation here and do not allow the other one to pursue their motive to intimidate you or take control of the situation, which leaves you feeling guilty about what is being discussed.
As some of my PhD classes were related to human psychology, I came to realization that the tools acquired during my apprenticeship are extremely useful during my daily interaction with my business partners and significant other. I always feel like going back to my old self at time, which is opting for the defensive approach but i digress. I take time to understand the problem and use my new found knowledge to handle all problems and find the most plausible solution. It is a win win scenario for everyone. They get free therapy and everyone end up happy.
Dr. Dan Amzallag, PhD