“Disappointment, without anger, is the mark of an old soul.
Not being disappointed is the mark of a really old soul.
And trusting life so thoroughly that every step on its path is valued more than where it was supposed to take you, is the mark of eternal youth.
The Universe“©Mike Dooley, http://tut.com
We all had many disappointments in our lives and because of the nature of some of these disappointments, extreme anger follows. Depending on how you manage this anger, you can allow yourself time to decompress a little and understand the nature of what triggered this disappointment and find the best plausible solution. Let’s say your kid comes back with really bad grades at school. You will show disappointment, which is totally obvious and most probably anger because of the probable causes as to why he or she is failing school. Anger will automatically follow and lots of frustration. Grounding might be the best solution when it comes to solving the existing problem. So let’s back up for a second. What really caused the demise of the kid’s grade? Was it because you, the parent, didn’t follow through and monitor his or her focus in school? Did you allow them to do whatever they wanted without providing structure so they can get back on track and do better in school? Do they have learning disabilities that you don’t know anything about but not trying to ask or figure out with the teacher how they interact in a classroom environment? You need to step up as a parent and get more involved and attend to their need or call for help. Bad grades can be an indirect message to you that your kid needs assistance. Be vigilant and show that you are present and that you care. This is where all this can change.
Disappointment could also originate from failed relationships, not getting promoted even though you worked your butt off at work, not reaching your desired health goals even though you starve yourself and work out 24/7. Life will come with so much more disappointment so you need to be ready to deal with them on a daily basis. I am not trying to be grim and disappoint you with my statement but this is what life is all about. Dealing with these challenges is definitely how everything else in your life will be externally related to positive or negative outcomes. If you allow yourself to brush off disappointment and not allow anger to come into the equation, you will start seeing changes, and in some case, really positive changes. Your perception and approach to finding solution will be made with enthusiasm and they (talking about disappointments) will eventually pass you by without leaving any negative feelings of any sort. You have matured to a point of being proactive when it comes to looking ahead with a positive eye, no matter what comes your way. They are 7 active muscle groups (more if we need to mention the micro muscles underlying the major ones) involved when you are angry: (Source:http://www.simplybodylanguage.com/angry-face.html)
- Eyebrow frowns – your eyebrows are pushed down in the middle, and pulled up at the sides.
- Nose wrinkle – your nose is pushed up as your brows furrow.
- Nostrils flare – your nostrils get wider and are pulled up.
- Eyes wince – your eye muscles are pulled together, making your eyes feel tense.
- Lip snarl – your upper lip is pulled up, showing your teeth.
- Lip corners depressing – your lip corners are pulled down, to illustrate your dislike.
- Jaw clinching – your jaw muscles tense up, making your teeth clinch and grind.
and ONLY 3 when you are happy:(Source: http://www.simplybodylanguage.com/angry-face.html)
- Forehead relaxing – your forehead muscles relax, bringing your eyebrows up a little.
- Eyes smile – the outer corners of your eyes begin to wrinkle as muscles push them together. Only when you really smile!
- Lips smile – your lip corners are pulled up, showing your lovely smile! 🙂
So why do we need to exert that much energy when angry? The choice is yours. Plus, no one like to be around people who show their angry side. Life is too short to live this way, and by allowing happiness into our lives, we learn to let go of any grudges and move forward to better living.
Dr. Dan Amzallag, PhD